Coming Back From The Edge

A few months ago, I decided to take a break from blogging. I did this in part because I wanted to take my personal development to the next level.

At the time I made the decision I had just gone through one of the most transformative periods of my life. Every time I would write it was because I had achieved what I considered to be another notch in becoming more self-aware. Writing would be a venue for me to digest and share with others what I had learned.

Over a period of just several months, I had taken massive leaps in improving my mental, emotional, and physical state. I ate healthy, exercised, meditated and visualized, practiced gratitude and took action towards other goals on my list almost every day.

After a few months of sticking to this new lifestyle I had reached a state I can only call bliss. Nothing could faze me. If I was part of something good I would be ecstatic and if certain other things didn’t go my way I would accept it, learn from it and move on almost instantly.

I had never been more emotionally and mentally balanced in life. I loved it!

It was also overwhelming.

All of these months of intensive focus on myself had worked and here I was reborn.

Rebirth like any sort of birth was exciting, excruciatingly painful and at the same time a magnificent experience unlike any other. Like a newborn I was fascinated anew by the world around me.

But I found myself running before I could even crawl. The transformation within me had occurred at such a radical pace and in such a profound way than I could have ever fathomed.

And overcome with the strength of this new me, I took on many projects and endeavors to accelerate my personal growth and go even further than I’d been before.

If you look at my previous posts, you’ll notice I discussed fitness, the art of listening, relationships, procrastination, being charitable, living in the moment, defining and achieving goals among a whole host of other topics. I spoke about all these subjects because I had experienced breakthroughs in each one of them.

I had done this at the cost of limiting my social interactions so I could spend more time focusing inwardly and it was a cost I was happy to pay.

Now, my next adventure was to raise the stakes and see if I could again rev up my interactions with others and subject myself to even more of outside influences while maintaining the same level of self-awareness.

But look, before I go further don’t get me wrong here—at no point was I ever a hermit or living like a monk during the prior months. I had just been more selective than usual of when and to whom I gave my attention.

My goal now was to now return to my normal level of social interactions and see if I could sustain my personal gains amidst more outside influences than usual.

On top of that goal, I wanted to become more adventurous. You see I had realized that often times I and others alike seek adventures through travel, outings, and other activities. The fact is it’s not the activity that makes the adventure but the person doing the activity that infuses it with the quality of adventure.

My next goal on my self-awareness journey now was to differentiate my activities from this quality called adventure and this experiment required for me to engage in a lot of activities.

This experiment would definitely be helped by the fact that I had decided to bone up on my social life again.

It went well for at least five to six weeks.

I learned a lot about separating activity from adventure, I was able to maintain my mental, physical and emotional gains despite having increased the barrage of social interactions I was engaged in.

But around week five or six, I could feel that those gains were starting to slip and I knew why—I had become less regular in my habit of exercise, meditation, and working on my goals.

I hadn’t given it up all together, especially exercise. Instead of following my routine 5 times a week, I was maybe following it 2 or 3 times per week.

I made excuses.

I said to myself that I was busy moving to a new apartment, traveling a lot more, hosting guests at my home, exploring new activities and all this movement was taking up a lot of my energy.

Those excuses were in fact all true. However, I had engaged in all these activities as a result of me having decided to test the wherewithal—the endurance and persistence—of my transformation.

The biggest slip occurred when I found that I had nearly stopped my regime for keeping my mental and emotional fitness. I was getting involved in the same old stories and disproportionately finding myself invested in situations I thought I wouldn’t be invested in again.

But a strange thing was happening this time around. I had started routines and failed before, but not like this.

This was very different.

It was as if I had upgraded to new software and my old software—my prior habits—were trying to overwrite the new programming but to no avail. The thing is not only had my software been upgraded, my hardware was brand new and no longer compatible with the old software.

I could sense within myself a system-wide problem. Something constantly felt off.

I began to slowly realize that the months and months of focus on becoming self-aware had in fact hardwired into me a new way of thinking and dealing with situations that arise.

Like an antivirus software, I found myself automatically taking corrective measures almost without thinking. I returned to focusing inwardly so I could identify what was occurring, I beefed up my routine once more to bring me back to a good level and started to be more conscientious of the influences I allowed into my life.

In no time, I felt myself returning to my new normal. Even though I’m not quite there yet, it’s much easier this time around than it’s ever been before.

You may be wondering why I am sharing all of this with you.

Well for one, if there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that my experiences are not unique to me. So, if by sharing I can let someone out there know that they’re not the only ones who’ve ever gotten somewhere and found themselves slipping back into old ways then I’ve done part of what I set out to do.

Secondly, I want you the reader to know that taking serious time to invest in understanding yourself and hardwire new habits can pay huge dividends when you find yourself backsliding. Old habits may die hard, but strong new ones can be just as equally tough to erase.

Over the coming weeks, I am going to be further exploring and sharing this new phase of my journey with you at full throttle and with no holds barred.

At the same time, I am working on delivering amazing new content to you and trying different formats for continuing our discussions. This current website will also be undergoing reconstructive surgery to say the least, so please excuse the appearance as I try to make your experience here more insightful and entertaining.

See you next time!

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